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  • Writer's picturehopecaitlins

On turning 20, the crazy world of today and content creation while chronically ill...

Hello my gentle friends, it’s been a while, I feel I always say that as I sit down to write to you but for this it feels like an age has passed in the space of a few months. Turning 20 brought with it a sudden onslaught of adulthood, trying to support my mum and grandmother as my grandad lay in hospital and then following that, preparing for his funeral and grappling with the new experience of loss and subsequent grief. It has been a rollercoaster of a few months and I certainly didn’t expect exactly a month after my birthday to be left with a grandad shaped whole in my heart. I cannot be angry at the time I had with him, getting to 20 without ever losing someone is something I’m massively grateful for, but life is still tough and this past year has sent my head spinning so much, I just wish I could jump off and catch my breath.

Speaking of - dealing with a chronic illness in the midst of this, my fatigue/seizures etc doesn’t care what goes on in my life and I tend to have a very physical manifestation of stress, so my body has been everywhere. I’m trying for the first time in my life (super grateful!) to forge my own path and the studio has been a life saver and something I will never stop being thankful for, but it’s still hard and I’m still, exhausted, most of the time.

I guess my point is, I’m still trying to figure life out - we all are - all the time! And that life can look messy while still being wonderful, I’m the most content I’ve ever been with myself and my work and yet everything is pure chaos - stuff works itself out. I just wanted to write a little update, to say I’m excited to share more in the coming months as I’m finally settling back into a creative flow and to wish you all well as we begin to exit yet another chapter and hopefully the last of its kind.

Love and hugs always,


‘Daydreamer’ self portrait May 2021

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