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  • Writer's picturehopecaitlins

A letter to me and my spoonie friends

Today’s post is a little letter to me, for future years, for now and for others who might need a bit of a virtual hug this time of year.

Christmas time has always been a favourite of mine, from settling down early to sleep on Christmas eve as a child, waking up to feel the heavy lump of my stocking weighing on my feet. To growing a little older and trying desperately to fall asleep, just close enough to being conscious that I feel the stocking being lent against my bed frame. Waking up at 7:00am every time, because how can you sleep!! I have to say I do love Christmas time…just a bit!! But with every passing year things change, you get older, you get smarter (especially at guessing presents and their hiding places) and for me and so many others, you get ill.

This time of year will never fail to make me smile, I’m so thankful and lucky to have such an amazing family, a warm house and a fluffy little dog. But the last few years of being ill around Christmas have been hard to adjust too. At first I thought that somehow magically I would feel better on the big day, that my pain would be lessened, it never did. I would put myself under pressure to have the most incredible Christmas ever, despite my illness and instead of going with the flow and enjoying things I would cry about how different and alien it felt, wondering why things didn’t magically improve. I think a lot of people subconsciously think that those with chronic illnesses get “days off” for things like Christmas, the truth is, no we don’t. But it isn’t all doom and gloom, I’ve learnt over many years now that Christmas will be whatever it will be, never perfect, always filled with love and full of comfy sofas for me to crash on between opening the lovely presents my parents, friends and family always bless me with. It’s different yes, but not in an awful way. I find the best thing to do is stop glaring at the past with rose tinted glasses on, crying about the fact that it will never be the same and focus on now, today, this Christmas. It’s different and difficult but still filled with all the things you love, you just have to take it, a little bit at a time.

For anyone struggling for any reason this time of year, no matter your struggles, what you celebrate or who you are, I’m thinking of you, keep looking to the light ahead.

As a final note – I hope everyone has a lovely holiday, no matter what you celebrate ♡

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