• hopecaitlins

On feeling different



I always felt a little different from other people, as I'm sure we all have at some point in our lives. I've always been sensitive and that's not something that is necessarily appreciated in today's world as I'm not "sassy" or "loud" enough and I've never been the best at small talk. Now, struggling with illnesses and seizures, my differences are hard to hide and I struggle some days as all I want to do is to blend in. I'm heading to college in September and although I'm excited I can't shake that feeling of unfairness that I still have to carry this weight around with me. My illness doesn't stop because it's Christmas, or my birthday or when I'm going out in public. I cannot control or predict it and therefore I sit in every situation with the fear that at any moment the world will see me at my most vulnerable, day in, day out. It's hard to explain to people what that feels like, losing control of your body with everyone watching. And although I'm used to it now sometimes it hits me so hard because I'm tired of being so different and I'm sad that I have to live like this, relentlessly. Although there is a lot of hope that I will continue to improve, that won't happen in time for September and so I'm preparing myself for the life I'm going to lead for now. To everyone starting something new, it's ok to be different and I'm learning that in new ways every day, I'm Hope and sometimes I have seizures, I'm a photographer and a writer, I like many other teenagers am addicted to Netflix and YouTube, I swim and I play guitar and there are so many elements that make up who I am. It's not labels that define us but the experiences we have when tied to them, they teach us who we really are. So be you, whoever that happens to be and know that the people who are worth it will see you underneath, loving your little quirks along the way ❤️


This is a photo titled "Dead Weight" something I worked on last weekend as I go through the process of letting the last 5 years of school wash over me and fade away. I've missed a lot but there is so much more to come, that dead weight needs to go, I'm free now. All the love in the world, Hope


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