Perfection

Quite often I find myself overthinking. I want to push myself to my limits, except my limits don’t always go very far. I feel guilty if I don’t do something, if I’m having a bad day and don’t always engage in a conversation firing on all cylinders. It’s hard having an illness that is constantly scrutinized, where so many people judge you because they’re skeptical about whether or not you’re “actually ill.” I feel as if I must always be strong, someone who is always talented and always perfect. The truth is this is not the case, the pressure I put on myself is of my own creation and the people that surround me couldn’t be further from adding pressure, but my over analytical brain will turn one throw away comment into, “they want me to do more, try harder and so I must.” Sometimes I find the best way to help myself is to try and give advice to other people, to remind me that I need to listen and not just tell other people to. Sometimes we have bad days just like any healthy person would, we don’t have to prove ourselves to others just fight for ourselves. I know who I really am and I know how much I try and that’s enough.

“I know my value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.” – Peggy Carter

(from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, yes I am a total geek!)